You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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