So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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