I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
where am i from again
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
