it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
