I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
