you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I didn't notice because vodka
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
