My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
