Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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