Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
