I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My cat gives me a boner
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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