She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
