You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Oh god it's open bar.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
