VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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