I need help removing her.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
