oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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