Soap is not a condiment
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
