I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
