We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
