its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
