i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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