My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
