This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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