Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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