would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
