Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
