Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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