He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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