When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
