If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
