and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Mom said you looked used
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
