no you cant smoke seaweed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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