I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
