I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
