I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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