big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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