This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
is it fun? or sober?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
