I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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