We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
