I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
