seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
