i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize