70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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