At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Pants are for mortals
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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