I didn't shave. On purpose
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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