I think I won the penis lottery.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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