So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
