Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
