It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize