If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
