remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Who died my cat blue again?
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