Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
