and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
