im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
