I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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