I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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