just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
