I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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