i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
foreskin is a definite game changer
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
