stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
