The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
