you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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