Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
