I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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