So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have already put on my inside pants.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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