I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
COCAINE IS GR8
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
