Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
