I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
