'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
