Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
