fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
