hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
