Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
