Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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