Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
