She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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